Avoid a Good Face-Punching
By Tamler Sommers
Look, I know what I’m supposed to say. I’m supposed to say “Neither. It’s important to bring your own canvas bags because that’s better for the environment.” Maybe that’s right, as long as you don’t get too sanctimonious, because then someone will want to punch you in the face. And they might have a good point.
But here’s my real answer: Plastic. Why? Because after you unload your groceries, you’ll have free poopy bags for your dogs. Q. E. D.
But I don’t have a dog.
Well, that’s insane – you should have a dog. Research shows dogs improve your quality of life by 50 percent at minimum, even if your dog sucks. A great dog can triple it. Not having a dog is like not having refrigerator. Yes, you could live your life without a refrigerator, but why?
I travel too much to have a dog.
So find a dog sitter. And maybe think about not traveling so much. Try to enjoy what you have. Take your dog camping. You should bike more, too.
I’m more of cat person.
OK, stop. I thought this was a serious conversation. Nothing wrong with cats, Had one most of my life and my cat Prune’s ashes sit upon my mantle. But, c’mon – cats are not in the same league as dogs. Saying you like cats better is like saying Judd Apatow is a better director than Martin Scorsese. You might occasionally be in the mood for one of those Apatow comedies, but don’t try to tell me he’s a better filmmaker than the man who made “Taxi Driver,” “Raging Bull,” “King of Comedy” and “Goodfellas.”
So, with that in mind, the logical conclusion is indisputable: yeah, plastic.
Sommers, an assistant professor of philosophy, is also the director of Phronesis, the Honors College program in politics and ethics. He records the podcast “Very Bad Wizards” with a psychologist from Cornell with whom he often agrees/disagrees.
